Musing with Capt Jack Pipit

Cagu Strikes Back!!

2009-09-02T13:37:00.003+08:00

About 6 months ago I wrote about cagu (in-grown toe nail), I got rid of it with the help of Dr wong. For 6 months I lived a pain free existence, I though cagu has been dealth with forever...I was wrong, cagu came back with a vengence and jab me where it hurts most. I battled it for almost a week before I decided to get Dr Wong for help again.

It came back one morning when I felt an irritating pain at my left big toe. Red and slightly swelling...to my horror..."could this be cagu?" I asked. Then as time passed, I let it fester and there was a slight pus discharged and I was battling it with "betadine". Pus stopped but the irritation was there. Fought it for a week and I though to myself, "this cannot go on, it would ruin my weekly futsal big time if it gets worst". To the good doctor I went.

"Hmmmm, your shoes too tight ah?" the good doctor asked. "Is there any permanent fix to this doctor?". "Hmmm maybe we take the entire toe nail out." he said. Cold shivers went down my spine, "No, just do the partial removal thing OK." I fear the agonizing pain of losing the entire toe nail...no way was I going for it.

"Ok, lie down and I'll get on with it". Jabbed me and took out cagu. Now walking with a bandaged toe. So much relieved. Damn cagu, cost RM80 to pot it!!

Die cagu, die! die!. Capt says Au Revoir.

EPL 2009/10

2009-08-30T15:05:00.002+08:00

4 weeks have passed for the Barclays Premier League 2009/10 and I'm happy coz Spurs has 4 wins out of 4 game. Yaaayyy. They trashed Liverpool, Hull, West Ham and Birmingham...hoowah. Next they face MU, without the faggoty drama king Ronaldo I'm hoping they lose. At the rate Spurs is playing I'm rooting for them to be in the top 4 this season.

Spurs bring me points for the fantasy football, ka ching ching. Capt says Au Revoir.

I'm Back

2009-08-30T14:57:00.002+08:00

The Captain is back once again. July and Aug has been a busy month. Projects stack behind one another. So for the not so long 3 days of holiday the good capt has resolved to put in so time to this blog.

Will try to put in more time to blog lah OK. Just keep looking for updates ya.

Set sail laddies, Capt says Au Revoir.

Jinx is at the corner!

2009-07-08T09:49:00.006+08:00

I walked past Nani's room and there was a burst of laughter. "Capt Jack Capt Jack", Nani called. I saw Master Chief "Tut" with her. That figures, 2 siaw siaw "char bor" how not to heboh laughing. Nani ask me if I've heared of this superstition. "Chinese believe that if you borrow a sanitary pad from a friend you need to pay money one ah?" she asked. "Really? That's the first for me." I said. Laughter burst out again.

"Ya ya, in my old office you need to pay 5 cents" she continued. "5 cents for a pad, bugger I would ask you for 1 dollar. What is the significance?" I replied. Shoulders shrugged...I got no rational respond for my question. I brush it off as superstition. Laughter burst out again..."Sorry ah...no 5 cents" Nani said.

Which reminds me there was once in Singapore, I stayed with my colleagues (guys & girls) in a rented place. So when it come to doing your laundry at the washing machine we had to schedule different days for different people. My colleague mentioned his wife told him that he cannot was his cloths with her panties..."Suay" it seems. He seems to believe it. Do panties have some invisible power in them that would jinx you?...that seems to be the case. If this is true then most guys sure "Suay" kow kow...why...oral sex muh. Which guy never done this. So...transfer of "suay" power directly into the mouth...how to undo the "suay"?...mandi bunga? Wah ka ka ka ka.

Superstition is for the irrational weak minded folks. Go to school, get degree...still superstitious. There is no such thing as luck, "suay" taifu etc. It's all in the mind. Here are some superstition I googled:-

- Never praise a newborn baby because it will invite ghost or evil spirits. So if we curse a newborn baby, will angels come?
- A baby with wide thick ears will live prosperously? A baby with big dick?...bonks a lot?
-Never marry someone who is 3 to 6 years yourger or older? Screw this...if Megan Fox is willing I'll marry her.
- If a dog howls continuously at night it means death. True...I'll kill the bloody dog.
- Never point at the moon or yours ears might get chopped off. Shit...if I point at the sun...my finger gets burnt?
- Wearing a moustache is considered bad luck. Does this apply to my Indian guy friends?

Step on a crack and break your mother's back. Capt says Au Revoir.

1 week old

2009-06-25T17:07:00.004+08:00

It was an uneventful Thursday...had two meetings, the first was with IT the second one was with a "kepala concrete" fella. So "concrete" is his kepala that it took ages to get thru to him. Anyway, after the meeting I ventured to the "South Sea"...there lies the Kraken called "Amma". I would normally go there to teased "Tullu" kow kow & I get all charged up for work. But one need to be watchful as the kraken lurks there. I encountered the Kraken Amma last evening, she sooo sayang my fren "Tullu"...gave her "Psyllium Husk" to consume. It's suppose to detox and help relieve constipation. Tullu if you are reading this...you full of toxin ah?

Anyway, I was there talking with Tullu and in came "G-001"...she was walking a lil funny. Wassup!! we asked. "I cannot poo poo lah...1 week oredi" said G-001. FUYOH... 1 week. That is something. "Got see doctor ah" I asked. "Got, Doc gave me Senocot to help" was the reply. Next G-001 was jumping up and down, I think G-001 was thinking gravity might help do the trick...like lah that's going to help you poo. "Eat more fruits like prunes " I said. G-oo1 mentioned that once she had to get her mother to help her when she had constipation as it only came out halfway. "Halfway?? How did your mum help? Did she yanked it out for you?" I asked...ewww...I try not to imagine.

"Whatever you do, don't you fart...1 week of accummulated poo can be a killer...play far far if you wanna fart" I said. Hmmm...it got me thinking...if G-001 were to go to the toilet now will there be a "toommm" (sound of a hard piece of cement hitting water) and wet ceiling (air terpecik la). Moral of the story is drink lotz of H2O, eat plenty of fruits and exercise. Tullu give her some of your Psyllium Husk lah.

What is the sound of silence? Capt says Au Revoir.

Fool of a chinak

2009-06-24T10:03:00.003+08:00

23 June 1800Hrs...somewhere in PJ

I was going to get a haircut, pegi my regular place tapi tutup. Since I hate my rambut to be sooo lebat I decided to go to the next shop...indian barber. Reminds me of my school days where I'm a regular to this indian barber in Brickfields. It brought back fond memories when I was a kid...some things shouldn't change. I was motioned to sit and I told the barber potong "petak". I like the "flat-top" haircut, macam the "Streetfighter" character "Guile"...only I'm more handsome lah.

The barber knew I was new in his kedai started small talk with me...more like trying to secure future business from me. "Dulu mana pegi potong rambut?" ask indian barber, "Mana mana pun ada, tak pegi satu tempat saja" I replied. "Lain kali mari sini potong lah" he responded. I simply nodded...don't like the idea of being hassled. But I got to hand it to you he took his time cutting my hair, I like that...and constantly asked me "boleh kah"...waahh customer service...he sure earned himself some brownie points. While he was working on my hair some customers walked in. I noticed an old chinese uncle about 60+ years walked in and sat down waiting for his turn.

I think he wanted to dye his hair black because he was holding this hair dye in his hand which was handed to him by the shop's "taukay barber". I was about finished and couldn't help listening to the conversation he had with "taukay barber". In his typical "chinak" accent he asked "Ini (the dye) bagus ah...siapa jual punya?". "Ada supplier india mari sini bagi supply" said taukay in his thick indian accent. To my horror the chinak replied "Ada baguskah...orang india pandai tipu"...how could you say such things you dumb uncle. I would expect you to be wiser at such an age, furthermore you say such things in an indian barber shop? Suddenly, I felt so embarrassed to be there as a fellow chinaman kin of mine made such an insensitive remark.

Well "taukay" wasn't pleased either, he remarked "Semua orang pun boleh tipu, bukan india saja. Awak kena tipu sebab awak bagi dia tipu...ape". Made sense lah what "taukay" said. The uncle just sat dowm smiling, good thing he shut-up. The dude who cut my hair wasn't too pleased either with that remark. I gave him RM50 and it was taking sooo long to get my change. In this time and age, we can still be insensitive about other races. It's understandable for an old uncle to still harbour some racist mentality...but it's sad...some things should change. I just hope the younger & future generation would be different. I got my change and "cabut"...play futsal.

Don't take too big a bite when eating the punani pie, else it's going to taste like shit. Capt says Au Revoir.

Sucker!!!

2009-06-22T11:06:00.005+08:00

Funnily Tesco Puchong seems to be the place that is frequently mentioned on my blog. You don't just food there you get ideas to write too...hah. I was there last week, bought fish...suddenly "mengidam nak makan ikan". Got 2 pieces of "ikan tongsan" and to my surprise it was selling for RM1.88...cheap. So I bought another 2 pieces of "ikan senangin" and this totaled to RM5.45. Not bad I thought to myself 4 peices of "ikan" for less than RM10.

Next I made my way to get the "perencah kari asam Brahim's"...yup I wanna eat asam fish curry lah. Next on my list brinjal and tomato. Manage to get both and looked fresh too but...FUYOH the line to weigh your vege is soooo panjang...until "Chisel Stone" (Batu Pahat...la). What to do, "beratur" lor like everyone else. As, I was nearing my turn, I looked down and saw this two innocent eyes looking up at me. It was a kid about 8-9 years old. In his hand was just a bag of beans and he asked me in mandarin if he could queue in front of me...I looked back at the line it was until 'Singapore" now. I motioned him to stand in front of me out of pity...yes I know I was unfair to the rest of the people in the queue. But how could you say "No" to those eyes...kinda remind me of "Puss in Boots from Shrek 2"...you know what I mean.

So came to this little kid's turn to weight his bag of bean, he turn at the other direction and called out to his brother and along with their maid they brought a ton of stuff to weigh. "Punani of Punani" kena "Kantoi". So freaking thick skin and they work with flawless precision. They must have done this before...and I was the "sucker" for that day. I dare not turn and look at the crowd behind me, I was unfair to them and now a sucker, I felt sooo small. Then came my turn, quickly weigh my brinjal and tomato...and got outta there. You win this time kid, the Capt never forgets.

Goldfish makes good shashimi. Capt says Au Revoir.

Moan-day

2009-06-22T10:19:00.004+08:00

Mon 22 June,

LDP 7+am

Not a very good start for a Monday morning, was stuck (as usual) at LDP. While crawling in the ludicrous jam I heard "Ah Choo"...I turned and saw this dude in a pick up truck beside my car "Ah Choo-ing"...all the noise from the highway and I could hear him sneeze. Hope its a bad case of sinus and not H1N1. As I was trying to inch my way forward this lady in a kancil just selamba eat into my lane...buat dunno. I just let her go not wanting to stress out first thing in the morning. Then Mr "Ah Choo" came along my side...next to my horror...as I looked over to his vehicle I saw he has his thumb cover one of his "lubang hidung" and he blew his nose. Aiiiieee...saw the "hingus" came outta his other "lubang hidung" and I think it landed on the front of or on my car....ewwww. The dude just selamba drove off. So freaking gross...SOB. Just pray its not H1N1, else anyone travelling along LDP-Federal Highway-KL is at risk b'coz Shit!!! I just became a potential super carrier of H1N1.

Office 8+am

Got out of the parking and making my way to the office I realised I forgot to bring my tag...sigh...I need to register myself at the guard counter and surrender my driving license. Turned-on my PC and made my way to the pantry...saw "Makcik" there who was about to have her breakfast. Huh..."Nasi Lemak" sold out (everyday "Jeb" dude would put breakfast for sale at the pantry)...so laku. The "Makcik" turned and asked me if I wanted to share he "roti mentega". I thanked her and declined, suddenly beyond my expectation she said "Oh thank god you didn't take my bread, else I got nothing to eat". I shot back at her "Why did you offer in the first palce if you never wanted to share...so insincere". Makcik with her "tebal muka" said "Oh I ajak-ajak ayam only"...such audacity. Responded to a friend's email by taking the BMI test...24.8 slighly over-weight it says. WTF, I play futsal every week and the computer says I'm slightly over-weight.

Office 9+am

Things began to settle down hope all is well until the day ends. Catch rate on mousehunt was pretty good...is this the silver lining? I hope so, else I would have to "mandi" flower liao.

You can't say "P****", but you can say "PUNANI". Capt says Au Revoir.

Ron for Real

2009-06-12T20:29:00.002+08:00

Ronaldo the faggoty drama queen is leaving Man Utd for Real Madrid...Yay!! I don't have to see his face next season. Another good thing, my fantasy football competitor would not have him in their team any longer...imagine making him captain and he scores...kow kow points they would get.

Imagine paying 80 million pounds for him...seow I tell you...he ain't worth it. Anyway don't care what he do lah...I won't see him next season.

The 1 eye jack is king in the land of the blind. Capt says Au Revoir.

Love thy neighbour

2009-06-10T10:36:00.003+08:00

I would like to think that our country's relationship with Indonesia is close and strong. However, maybe because of this closeness we take each other for granted. We start taking pot shots at one another without any consideration on how this is going to reflect us on the world arena and the impact on our so called close and strong relationship. Within a span of 2 week I can see in the media how poorly behaved we have been.

1st case: Manohara Odelia Pinot.
Indonesian model claimed that she was raped and tortured by husband. Now a medical examination confirms that it was true. Shame shame shame. Rape, torture and abused...have we flushed down civilised mentality down the toilet in Malaysia? Does being in a certain class in society allows you to thump over others?

2nd case: Abused maid.
It was reported yesterday a maid sought protection from the Indonesia embassy as her boss (a single mother) abused her and held her wages of 5 years. Are we treating maids like slaves? Aren't they human with feelings just like us? Just because we pay their wages doesn't mean it gives us the right to beat them and do as we pleased. I've seen many a times how maids are treated, they seem to work round the clock...no rest. Even the smallest of task is also given to the maid. Try switching places for a change...do onto others what you want others to do onto you. Maid abuse...this is not the 1st in Malaysia.

3rd case: Ambalat.
Fighting over oil. We seem to have provoked our neighbours countless times. Just get our borders fixed and agreed upon lah. Let the International Court of Justice decide if we can't. Susah susah patrol into disputed waters and almost got fired upon. Is war what we want?

There is no 2nd chance to 1st impression. Capt says Au Revoir.

Psyhic...konon

2009-06-10T10:00:00.002+08:00

Finally, it is good to be back blogging...thanks to "Hacker". I was out makaning celebrating my mom's birthday last weekend at this seafood restaurant. Ordered 5-6 dishes...so so only la. I not really into chinese cuisine unlike my siblings. So I let them do the ordering while I concentrate on makaning.

So after habis makan, I called for the bill. As they were processing the bill a platter of fruits came...hmm papaya and jelly covered with ice. How nice...dessert compliments from the restaurant...now thats what I call service. My bro macam psyhic mentioned the bill would be above RM100. I was surprise...how you know ah? He mentioned by looking at the dessert platter he knows.

Powderful man...I know people look at tea-leaves to tell ones future but my adik look at fruit platter can tell you agak agak how much it cost. The bill came it was RM124.10. My adik says, if they serve jelly with fruits its above RM100. If no jelly just fruits it's below Rm100. If dessert comes with mangoes then its above Rm180. Cheh...I tot he was psyhic...pegi dah. Rupa rupanya he has been dining at restaurant cina more than me that he was aware of such subtleties. As for me, if you gimme free fruits I eat first lor. Come to think of it, I know this famous seafood place near a certain roundabout in PJ but never serve fruits leh. Twice we makan there and the bill was near RM200...but no fruits leh...bayang pun tak nampak. Maybe famous liao..."lan si" oredi.
Hmm...if they serve durian on the fruit platter...I tell you your pocket burn a big hole liao.

I'll give you my treasure chest if you can show me shit that smells like fresh baked bread. Capt says Au Revoir.

4 June, Captain's log...

2009-06-04T15:32:00.003+08:00

I'm baaacccck. Accessing this blog via backdoor...caya to "Tom-cat". As of today, he shall be known as "Hacker" for reasons I cannot mention here. Nanti the spy spy bocor rahsia then susah. "Hacker' if you are reading this you know what I mean.

Finally, I feel fine once again having being able to use "muka-buku" and "blogging". Almost went mad, manage to play mousehunt...made it to Master...woohoo. Caught some powderful maus...yeah! Now that I got backdoor, I'll wait for inspirasi to hit me for my next update...till then sit tight.

I like to move it move it...Capt says Au Revoir.

I'll be back...wait ah!

2009-06-01T16:00:00.006+08:00

Bummer...my operations has be disrupted by the evil evil IT people. They have since barred "Muka-Buku" and all blogs. My spies mentioned that it was due to some dude who was downloading movies and that how it got a messed up. Phew...for a moment I though I was the culprit. But no fear Tom-cat has found a way...maxis broadband (MBB)...wah ha ha ha...that kid is a genius (how do you think I get to put this on the blog). Kudos to Tom-cat...muakks.

Mua ha ha...I manage to secure a spare notebook and its hooked up with MBB. By this week it will be business as usual. Till then, the pirate will return.

You can knock Capt Jack Pipit off balance, but you can't keep him down. Capt says Au Revoir.

Toilet Story

2009-05-26T15:02:00.004+08:00

Chilling with Master Chief "Tut" is like watching the discovery channel...something to discover each day. Today, I discover the that some of our ladies at our floor have got appalling toilet habit. What I'm writing here was described to me by the Master Chief. Once she was pee peeing in the toilet, and as she turns to her left...sticking on the cubicle wall was a sanitary pad...awww. What the hell was this person thinking, nak buat statement ke?

This morning as Master Chief was about to go make her investment at the "tandas pompuan" bank, she noticed something perculiar about the cubicle as she swang open the door. Toilet bowl clean, floor clean...but the toilet seat at both sides have stain of...of...eeeww shit...GROSS. Immediately she lost the urge to lepas, now still sangkut inside her.

The culprit: 1) must have ceret beret, 2) did not sit on the toilet seat, 3) must have stained panties and 4) is a freaking mongoloid retard. How did I come to such a conclusion...hah...elementary. Let me explain;

1) Lets go for the easy one first, if she had sat on the toilet seat it would have gone straight down and not hit the side of the toilet seat. My guess is she was standing with her ass hovering about 6 inches above the toilet seat. Squatting on the toilet seat would break it.

2) Ceret beret...b'cos when the ceret beret shit comes outta your ass-hole its like a shot from a shot-gun, it spreads...that explain how the side of the seat is stained. This also support the theory that the culprit was standing. If she didn't ceret beret the shit would be in a straight line and hit the water with a "thuumb" and the sides would be clear...but thats not the case.

3) The floor was dry, so it means she didn't wash. See...for her to wash standing the floor would be wet. Since she was standing in the first place, she wouldn't be sitting to wash. Now that the seat is stained...lagi she won't sit. Therefore, she must have used toilet paper to wipe...eeewww...and you know using toilet paper is never clean one (see my earlier blog on "Cuci ke tak?").

4) Any normal human being would not have done this for the poor cleaner lady to cleanup and for the other toilet users to gross out, therefore...freaking mongoloid retard.

Why is it so difficult to lace the toilet seat with toilet paper and do business? Chances of anyone making a mess is rather remote...don't you think so. If you want to catch the culprit, go find the person with skid marks on the taifu.

Civilised thinking takes 1 light year backwards in the toilet. Capt says Au Revoir.

Tikus Freeload 2

2009-05-22T14:28:00.004+08:00

We have got a tikus infestation in the office, I'm not talking about the 4 legged small furry kind but the 2 legged ball-less kind. This is a sequal to my earlier post, 1st officer Zee would always have two container of junkfood on her table. Lately her generousity seems to have been taken advantage of again. After the muruku incident, we had a calm time...no tikus...suddenly the tikus tikus re-appeared...and I got a name for you.

1st officer Zee brought this "Rempeyek" to share with us. Kinda generous of her as it came all the way from Kedah, send to her by her beloved "buffalo". Instead of makan sendiri, she shared with us...1 big container...filled to the brim. 2 days passed no sign of the tikus, I suppose when the tikus saw a tiger guarding the "Rempeyek" they all back away...waiting for the right time to hijack. At the end of day 2 I was looking for something to chew and made my way to the container. Missing!....it was missing...how can this be? Not far away I saw a group of tikus happily enjoying the "Rempeyek". Shit! muka tembok, tengah meeting and you hijack orang punya "Rempeyek". What can I say...container not mine...I balik my place and pack up.

Next morning, I came face to face with an angry tiger. Container is...EMPTY!!! and tikus tikus sekalian didn't own up. Tikus tikus yang tak ber-balls hijack her "Rempeyek". All the way from Kedah and kena hijack. How can people so inconsiderate...makan habis at least inform lah people or buy somethng back in exchange...pandai pandai jaga hati lah. Simple courtesy pun tak erti..."bowl real"! (mangkuk betul).

So officially I'm naming the tikus tikus as follows "cibai maus" for the betina and "ball-less maus" for the jantan. They should be included in mouse-hunt, and to attract them used "muruku cheese" or "rempeyek cheese".

To calm an angry hungry tiger you give it food, but how do you calm an angry "itchy" tiger??? Capt says Au Revoir.

What's in the name?

2009-05-19T10:59:00.007+08:00

Your "Name" I feel is precious and important to your image...it is your name that would carry you or sink you. Thats why I always make it a point trying to remember a person's name and to make sure I pronounce it right. Getting this correct shows respect...if you ask me.

I can't help but to think that there are some people out there who do not realised the significance or trivalize the significance of their own name or when naming a child. For example "Do Do Cheng"...I don't think its cool to name yourself after an extinct bird...but it seems to be the case for some Hongkies. "DoDo" can be interpreted as stupid...Dodo is a stupid bird...thats why they are extinct. I've never heard of the name "Hacken" until this one HK pop star rose to stardom. Why "Hacken"...cos his chinese name is Lee Hak Kan...kinda silly ain't it...repeating your name. I'm not saying you don't have the right to choose your own name, but I'm suggesting choose wisely.

It is very popular among the chinese that their carries a certain auspicious meaning. I met this dude from mainland China and introduced himself as "Mansion"...yup you know "Mansion" as in the big house. Having the name "Mansion" in you chinese name may sounds ok but as an English name...kelakar lah! "Mansion" went on to introduce his friend to me, "Pussy" is her name, not shitting you here...I dare not ask if she likes cats. I shall say no more. Why can't people stick with more traditional english names? Boring is a reason I can think off,... rather be boring and safe if you ask me.

Choosing a name would mean you have to live with it for the rest of your life, be careful when choosing a name for your kid. You can imagine the ridicule from his/her peers...kids are cruel. I read on a newspaper that this physics teacher called his kids..."proton, neutron & electron". Imagine, Capt Proton Pipit...eeew...just shoot me. Stick to the conventional names lah...sigh.

Finally make sure you know how to spell your chosen name lah. I was at this cake shop and there was this parent bukan main lansi...after they had chosen the cake I overheard the mother saying to the shop assistant in a condescending tone in cantonese "Happy Birthday to Carmen Michael" (translated). "How to spell ah?" ask the shop assistant. To my horror both the parent's couldn't spell "Carmen Michael"...they went like "K-A-R-M-U-N " to "K-A-R-M-A-N". Nak name glamour but tak tau spell...sigh...another reason for sticking to conventional names. I left the shop not wanting to know the outcome.

Gravity release me, never ever hold me down...and my feet won't touch the ground. Capt says Au Revoir.

El Chupacabra

2009-05-15T14:40:00.011+08:00

I was watching "Monster Quest" at Astro channel 555 last night. It was about "Chupacabra" or the goat sucker from the Central America (see picture).

It's a creature that sucks blood from farm animal, farmers would find their chicken, goats or cows dead minus the blood. More like a vampire in the animal kingdom.

Interestingly incidents were first reported in Puerto Rico then moved over to Central America then latest was in Texas, US of A. They even had photos of it, more like a dog with 4 huge fangs...not shitting you here, farmers actually shot 3 of them (see picture below).

However, the eyewitness from Central America claimed that it was not dog like rather it walked on 2 feet. So there is a contradiction here...or we have different species of "Chupacabra" running about.

In my office also got a "Chupacabra"...good thing not in my section. Instead of blood this creature sucks the life essence from you. In the end you will be so tense working, suffer from stress and totally "hilang semangat". The office "Chupacabras" cannot be identified at first glance, you need to work with them for you to be able to see their true colours. By then it might just be too late. I wonder if we have "Chupacabra" in our jungle? If we do...guys becareful when you go camping, do you be bonking in the night. Like sharks "Chupacabra" are drawn to blood, it might just give you head and suck you dry and dead. You definately won't die smiling.

"Chupacabra" cannot swim....rite? Damn...man the 12 inch guns. Capt says Au Revoir.

Got spare change Mite?

2009-05-15T14:19:00.003+08:00

I was having lunch over at Central Market, as I was admiring the various stuff they got there... my lunch kaki "Smithey" had to go draw some cash from the ATM. A few moment later she came running back saying there is this weirdo at the ATM. Smithey mentioned that this dude had told her he lost his wallet and needed some cash and asked if she could spare him some. All he had with him was a phone-card and he offered to sell it to her. Well I guess he spooked her good...she was outta there so fast even before Superman had time to put on his red taifu.

Smithey was a little guilty for making such a hasty exit. She related the story and asked me what if that dude was genuine. I told not to loose sleep about it as I felt that dude wasn't genuine. Think about it, if you had lost your wallet would you be hanging out at the ATM and offering to trade a phone-card for cash. Cliche if you ask me.

This does not mean I would not assist when there is a cry for help. I suppose I would look at the situation and hear what their story is. Chance are if a person is genuine you can see it from their facial expression and the storyline they tell you flows. A con man tends to cook up story as you probe...the flow isn't there.

I didn't shoot the sheriff. Capt says Au Revoir.

Ronaldo le Drama King

2009-05-13T09:40:00.006+08:00

I was watching the football last sunday, Man Utd vs Man City...dang Man Utd won 2-0. They are getting closer to retaining the title. Man City couldn't even offer any resistance...killjoy. The reason I watched the game was that I was hoping that the the score would be in City's favour.

The highlight of the game was the ever famous faggotty "Cristiano Ronaldo". Faggotty boy threw a fit a the boss man after he was substituted early in the 2nd half. Bloody drama king with an oversize ego. I checked the Sun UK and found out he kena kutuk left right center for his outburst...ha ha ha padan muka. Check out that 20 cent sulking face.

Rumour has it Real Madric is willing to cough up a huge chunk of dough for the faggotty boy...take him I say, can't stand the sight of him. We don't need prima donna's in EPL. Hope Man Utd loses...khaakk ptooi.

Take me to where street lights glow. Capt says Au Revoir.

Family XL

2009-05-11T10:19:00.003+08:00

The Star 11 May:

"Grik couple have 21 children"

I was reading this article on the couple with 21 kids, the first thing that came to mind was "How did you manage"? The wife was a home-maker and the husband was working in a saw-mill, they mentioned it was tough and tiring. They had to survive on "beras ayam" or broken rice and wore hand-me down clothes. One can only imagine what it was like growing up in that family. How long would a tin of "Milo" last?

For the average family in Malaysia, having 2 kids is already a challenge. You need to provide not only food, clothing, education also health plan insurance...the works. My question to the couple above was "Why go through all those hardship to have 21 kids"? Have you not heard of family planing? Tak syok ke... pakai condom? "Coitus interruptus" would have given you better odds.

Its none of my business to dictate your family size...but as for myself I would not want to put my family through such a situation of difficulty and be deprived of so many things. Others may beg to differ but I would like to live within my means. This is food for thought for you people out there..."Bonk safe I say".

Barracuda makes good sashimi! Capt says Au Revoir.

Goosebumps

2009-05-08T13:50:00.004+08:00

1350 Hrs May 8, Capt's log:

Yay...today cuti, replacement leave for wesak day woohoo. Those of you who got to work...wahahaha nyah nyah nyah...dun jealous. Did nothing much except to catch up with some sleep, got 2 hours more today. Was too lazy to lepak outside so I decided to watch the idiot-box.

"Backyard science", astro channel 552 caught my attention. It showed mainly on experiments kids could try at home. Really cool, "ang moh" kids get to play with vineger, baking soda and making a mess in the kitchen in the name of science experiment...and the get away with it. If it was a kid in the average malaysian home...sure kena "kow kow" either from the parents or maid for making a mess. Is this the reason why we are lagging behind "ang mohs" in terms of science and technology?

Well there was this experiment I saw that was interesting..."Goosebumps". They were researching what causes goosebumps...and concluded it was fear, cold and tickling sensation that contribute to it. There 3 elements would cause the muscle at the base of the hair folicle to contract and...voila...goosebumps. "Fear, cold and tickling" huh...what if some horny couple decided to buat project out in the open one night, the fear of getting caught, the chill of the night air and tickling sensation...would all this lead to goosebumps? Would the "rambut pubika" all stand? Imagine someone with hairy butt...suddenly you find hair sticking out from the butt crack...ha ha ha ha...eeeew.

Why Goosebumps? Capt says Au Revoir.

Cruelly Cold

2009-05-06T10:10:00.002+08:00

Cold, cruel, heartless, animals...the list can go on...but calling them names would not change a thing. I'm talking about snatch thieves...look at report from the Star 6 May.

["Pregnant woman dies after thieves pull her off motorcycle"

JOHOR BARU: The killers on motorcycles have done it again — this time, snatch thieves took two lives when they tried to rob pregnant Jamilah Selamat. Jamilah, 31, suffered severe head injuries after falling from her motorcycle on Sunday. She died at the Sultanah Aminah Hospital at 7.30am yesterday without regaining consciousness.]

This isn't the only incident, there are others too...

[In 2004, a Nanyang Siang Pau clerk, Chong Fee Cheng, 37, died after she lapsed into a coma following a snatch theft in Taman Molek, Johor Bahru.

In December last year, snatch theft victim Lim See Nya, 58, was run over by a three-tonne truck when she lost her balance and fell onto the road, after a motorcycle pillion rider grabbed her handbag in Bukit Mertajam.]

What has this world come to? Lives taken away without any feeling of remorse. It pisses me big time...thieves get away with it. I'm tired...tired of worrying for my family & friends...why do we need to live in fear? What are the cops doing? At times I wish I could be "Capt Jack Almighty"...snatch thieves...you would be on the top tier on my list of people that would cook in hell...next would be rotten corrupted politicians of course. Alas, sigh...this is just wishful thinking...we need to pray for the safety of our love ones, pray that God would deal with this heartless brutes swiftly, pray that the work of the enemy fails...

Repent now or become fuel for hell. Capt says Au Revoir.

Way of the Pipit

2009-05-05T14:01:00.002+08:00

5 May, 1230Hrs lunch-time:

I was on the way of to lunch with ensign "Tom-Cat", master chief "Tut" & boss of master chief, heading towards KFC. On the way outta the basement my radar picked up 11 high 2 bogies. Heading straight in my path, long range scan picked up 2 "chickerdee". So I switch to my kung-fu mode, "see but not see" kung-fu...cuci mata. Not bad looking lah the 2 "chickerdee"...especially the eurasian one. Pakai ketat ketat...hot looking.

Suddenly out of the blue, "Hey you checking out the 2 girls right"...alamak...got caught red handed by master chief "Tut". My mind was racing to find some plausible excuse to deny..but she came back with another jab "Dun pretend lah, my former colleagues were guys too...sure see one". Bummer, my kung-fu didn't work this time round...got beaten by another kung-fu exponent. Master chief "Tut" 1 Capt 0.

On hindsight, I should have let them walk ahead of me...then can cuci mata and not get caught. Kena kantoi today. Must develop new kung-fu style...I must.

Must develop a new kung-fu style..."Way of the Pipit", Capt says Au Revoir.

Curi Makan

2009-05-05T11:17:00.002+08:00

Read this...kelakar betul..."The Star, 5 May"

" A SECRETARY accidentally bit off the penis of her employer while giving him oral sex in a car. Sin Chew Daily and China Press reported yesterday that while the 30-year-old woman was performing oral sex on the man, the car was hit by a reversing van. The impact of the crash, China Press reported, caused the woman to bite off her lover’s organ. The daily reported that the incident occurred in a Singapore park where the couple met after work.

To make matters worse for the woman, her husband had sent a private investigator to spy on her after suspecting that she was being unfaithful. The investigator said he had followed the woman and her boss to the park. “On reaching the park, they did not alight from the car. Not long after, the car started to shake violently.
After the car was hit by the van, there was a loud scream from the woman whose mouth was covered with blood,” he said. The woman later followed her lover to the hospital with part of the sexual organ. The investigator, who called an ambulance to send the man to hospital, said that this was the first time he had encountered such an incident. "

The moral of the story is...guys, when you are getting head do not startle your wife/girlfriend...she might accidentally bite it off...OUCH! I think its' poetic justice...think you could get away with bonking somebody's wife huh...horny Singaporean maggot.

I can imagine how difficult it was for them to explain to the doctor on how it happened...tougher still explaining to their spouse on their infidelity. Siapa suruh curi makan?

Its' not getting what you want that matters...its' wanting what you got. Capt says Au Revoir.

Anything good out there?

2009-04-30T14:13:00.006+08:00

Disaster struck today...the mousehunt application in facebook has a bug. Spoil my plans only, I wanted to go to the mausoleum to catch those changgih manggih maus. Sigh...dunno how long it would take them to fix. Arsenal lost to MU (champions league) didn't help make my day any better either. I'm not as optimistic as the rest of my colleagues...they think that Arsenal would bounce back during the second leg and kick MU on the ass.

Then there was this disturbing news, police arrested man for murdering his own daughter and burried her body in a field 3 years ago. News has it that she was abused physically and sexually. What animal would do such a thing? And there is "selsema babi" pandemic, WHO raised alert level to level 5... better don't eat babi for the moment! Is there anything good? Turn to the newspaper, and all we see is sorrow, bad news, robbery etc...whats wrong with this picture here?

In light of all the negative events happening, is there a message to be conveyed? Is this the sign of the end of times as written in the book of Revelations? Where does man go to for refuge, for comfort, for peace? Does man rely on his wisdom and strength to overcome this? To whom does man turn to...will he turn to God? Will you?

Repent, repent...before its too late, Capt says Au Revoir.

Upgrade Blog "Look & Feel"

2009-04-29T14:45:00.005+08:00

The Capt has updated the "look & feel"...cantik or not? The link to "Life in Technicolour 2" by Coldplay has been removed. In future there will be more upgrade to the "look & feel"...tengok mood lah. Till then...

Shoot down those Thunderbirds...watch out for their poop, Capt says Au Revoir.

Ang Moh...cetak rompak

2009-04-27T13:41:00.005+08:00

1230pm lunch time, 27 Apr 09:

I was with me ship mates, 1st officer "Zee", Master Chief "Tut" and Ensign "Tom Cat" out for lunch. We decided to walk thru central market as Zee and Tut wanted to get out of the sun, they might just melt in the blazing heat. I don't mind as a matter of fact I kinda like walking thru central market...can cuci mata...lotz of ang moh.

From a distance just before the side exit near the 2nd hand book shop I saw 2 ang mohs. Set course 12 o'clock...intercept mode. From far far they look like pretty young thing...must get nearer to take a good look I must. I conviniently let me ship mates passed them first so that they would not catch me gawking at ang moh...he he he...no need to be so obvious muh.

There is something strange about the blond that I was approaching, something is not right. Aiyah!!!...it's a cina wannabe ang moh. I took a good look at her...speaking speaking in ang moh accent (if I'm visually challenged, I would thinks she is an ang moh), hair dye blond colour, small asian boobs, squinty chinese looking eyes (like Lucy Liu) with Michael Jackson skin tone. Gosh!!!... lady what have you done to your skin, took an acid bath or something ah? It was so pale looking this oriental Michael Jackson.

Pale skin, small boobs and squinty eyes...it's an ang moh cetak rompak. What was the motivation to want to look like an ang moh. She would have looked prettier as an asian. Hey lady, you got issues with your esteem or you are those who worship ang moh? Beh tahan...go "chiak peng" better lah.

Set sail to Tora Bora sil vouz plait, Capt says Au Revoir.

Colour...Hitam

2009-04-23T13:44:00.003+08:00

I was at IOI Puchong for lunch yesterday after doing some errants. They have got a new wing, modern looking as oppose to the old wing. Ventured into the new wing and decided to lunch at Sakea Sushi. Kinda impressive as they had a computer terminal for you to place your order...you get to see the enlarge photo of the food you are interested in prior to your order. Cool...high tech. Food there is reasonable, Salmon sushi is RM1.90/plate...cheap.

As I finished placing my order, this couple got my attention as they were walking in. They sat down at the table diagonally opposite me...my 1 o'clock. This dude was with his lady friend/wife I dunno. 20 cents face looking with a spaghetti strap dress. I can see she is wearing a pink bra as her "kuay teow" (bra strap) was showing. No big deal, not a looker at all...but there was something about her I dun like...just can't put a finger to it yet...maybe it's her looks, maybe it's her mannerism. Occasionally I would look over to peek at her.

Alamak...kangkang...she duduk kangkang...aiyoh not enough O2 downstairs is it? I was using my "see but not see" kung fu on her...for obvious reasons lah. I can't help but feel she did it deliberately...playing peek a boo with me. I pretend dunno. Then this waiter served her and her balak a plate of sashimi...and I heard her asking the waiter in distinctly clear chinak accent "You all don't wear mask one ah?". The poor waiter shook his head and walk away after serving her. She tunjuk her muka semacam and wolf down the fish...and kangkang at my direction.

How many restaurants in KL do you know have got their waiters wearing mask? Was she doing this just to intimidate this poor waiter? Was she suffering from chronic inferior complex, she has to make someone feel small? I was in Japan and the sushi chef used his hands without glove to make the sushi...so whats the big idea here. Nak tunjuk class go lah to some expensive place and close your legs lah. All the time when she kangkang I did not see the taifu, but then she angled herself at me...it was black...eeew. At that moment I was sipping my miso soup and almost threw up, I thought I saw part of her taifu in my soup...turns out to be sea-weed...phew yum yum. Beh tahan...she got up and left before me. 20 cent face chinak. Should I mandi bunga??? For what it's worth it was a sick feeling...as though you saw your best friend's mom kangkang before you. Pukey puke.

Facebook says I'm like Capt Jean Luc Picard...woohoo, Capt says Au Revoir.

Kutu Sampah

2009-04-21T11:49:00.003+08:00

What is to become of Puchong? First there was Khakk Ptooi who leaves DNA on the road and now we have kutu sampah. If nothing is done to eradicate these creatures, Puchong will look like dump site. As I was travelling home last evening along LDP near Puchong Putri, I saw this Kancil in front of me. It has a little sign stuck on its rear windshield which says "If you think this car is cute, wait till you see the driver"...corny if you ask me. Since I was stuck in the balik rumah jam, I tried to see her reflection from her rear view mirror. Can't quite make out her face but I know its a girl.

About 5 minutes into the jam, I noticed a hand coming out of the drivers window...hmm what this girl up to...and suddenly I saw in her hand was a plastic wrapper. Conviniently she dumps it on the road as if the wrapper would bio-degrade the instant it hit the road. C*** B** littering after you stuff your face I said to myself, tak civic conscious at all. Failed pendidikan moral in school is it?...BITCH.

As the traffic was moving along I tried to overtake her car to see how she look like...cute ke tak? She so happens swerve to the left and I accelerated to get a good look at her. Early 20 sumthing girl... muka macam porn star...patut lah. I counted my blessings, if she was shagging in the car...heaven forbid that she throws the condom outta the window...rubbish and DNA along LDP...eeew a dreadful thought.

Set course to Isla Nublar, Capt says Au Revoir.

Man Utd...Ta-pau

2009-04-20T11:16:00.005+08:00

Mua ha ha ha ha Man Utd made my day by losing to Everton in the FA Cup semifinal. There goes their quintuple dream...woohoo...serve you right for being "lan si". Now I'm hoping that Liverpool would take the Premier League title (fingers cross coz MU is firing all cylinders to bag this) and Arsenal to take the Champions League.

The faggoty drama king...C.Ronaldo can go look for another club to play coz MU is not getting anymore silverware, Giggs and Scholes can retire lah...uncles. Just keep Tevez and Berba upfront as they are the misfiring strikers...keep it up.

Spurs beat the Toons 1-0...yay...they play MU next week, hopefully they spring a surprise on them and kick the shit outta them...revenge for the Carling Cup. Dafoe would be back for Spurs, watch out MU...get ready to "ta-pau".

1 "Ping" only Varsailly, Capt says Au Revoir.

Tikus Freeload

2009-04-16T14:25:00.009+08:00

Food when its free will definately attract freeloaders,...disgusting creatures they are. They just eat your food and don't bother to replenish it. There are creatures like this in the office. At times you wish you could lace the food with cyanide...but that would mean blood on your hands.

I normally get my junkfood supply from my first officer "Zee". Zee would have a tub of junkfood on her table and anyone who wish to eat would just take from the tub. The food was mean for people within our pirate community eg ensign "TomCat", master chief "Hyper-Tuty" & Capt Jack. As we dun kira so much boundries are not drawn too, this resulted in tikus-tikus from other sections to makan the food. We dun mind, but I've an unwritten rule...you makan people's food you replenish oso lah.

This week's delicacy was muruku, FUYOH...popular. When I pegi to my 1st officer's place to get my morning fix...it was missing. The entire tub of muruku was missing. "Mana muruku" I queried. With mata juling 1st officer say kena hijack tikus. You see this tikus got meeting tapi bawak our loot pegi meeting...WTF? Want to makan we dun mind, but hijack our food especially when its muruku...you got lotz of nerve you tikus. Muka tebal...tak tau malu punya freeloader. Now it is after lunch, meeting over liao...still no sign of the tub of muruku. I tot of bringing a chain and chain the tub to the desk...hope tikus get the message. However, must consider this option very carefully though, the tikus tikus can be very sensitive one. Nanti the East Pirate Trading Company kena boycott.

This is what I think of you tikus tikus...naaaaahhhh! Sial...sape pangsai tak flush!!!! Kerja tikus ke ni?

Watch for floating turds, Capt say Au Revoir.

Bird in hand

2009-04-14T11:59:00.006+08:00

Office Gents, level 17: 1015am

A quick description of the gents, has 4 taps, 4 urinals and 4 cubicles with hose. I was about to was my hands when this dude came in and occupy the first urinal. Hmm...pakai tie serious looking dude...dun care lah...wash my hand. As I was pulling the paper towels to dry my hands, I notice this dude (from urinal no#1) was walking backwards to the tap basin. Curious why was he walking backwards, I selamba wipe my face and took a peek...ic he got a "bird in hand" and was about to give it a bath. Alamak!, if want to wash do it lah at the urinal (I've seen people doin that...got water muh) or do it in the privacy of the cubilce since it has a hose. Aiyoh, washing little birdie at the basin...gross...look at the floor... its wet.

I wonder, if there was more than just me in the gents would this dude still be holding little birdie with the backward manouver and wash it at the basin? Would he have minded having others watch him bath birdie? Well...I wouldn't want to see lah...pretend make dunno is what I would do. I got no issues with washing the birdie, just don't make a mess of the gents lah. Many of us are just kuli in the organisation, we don't have the priviledge of a private toilet like the CEO. So keep the gents clean lah.

He he he...some stuff you see happening at the gents. "A bird in hand, needs washing and is not worth two in the bush"...that is when its in the gents of coz.

Capt Ahab has gone mad, Capt say Au Revoir.

Flat Water

2009-04-14T10:02:00.005+08:00

I have heard of musical notes in flat eg b-flat, c-flat etc (can't tell the diff, I'm some1 who is a musical idiot), flat chested (this I know), stay in flat...but flat water!...hmm...this is new. I was in the pantry this morning and I saw this new colleague of mine filling up her water tumbler and I noticed she was slicing lemon into her tumbler.

"Lemon in your H2O!?" I say, "ah yes...I dun want it to taste flat" came the reply..."want some?" she continued? I declined and went about my business. Pondering ponder...hmm...how does someone... say... at the mamak order ice-kosong but dun want it flat? Ice-kosong campur limau?...bet you get "limau ice" instead. Or ice-kosong tapi tak mau rata...that would stop mamak dude at his tracks. Bet mamak dude would be cracking his head figuring out what concoction you wanted...hmm. Had this experience with a friend at this indian restaurant, he ordered anchor ice. What was delivered was anchor beer with a glass of ice...hilarious. So I really want to see what mamak dude would bring when someone ordered "not flat ice water"...come to think of it how does one order that in the first place?

So if I don't want my water to be flat I add slices of lemon, if I want my water to be voluptuous add what ah?...sunkist?

There is a wild wind blowing..., Capt say Au Revoir.

Life in Technicolor

2009-04-13T12:31:00.010+08:00

In my earlier post "TV rocks", I mentioned I forgot the title of the Coldplay song...well its "Life in Technicolor 2" (just click on the play button, and listen ...sorry link removed 29 Apr 09 ). I manage to catch that music video twice on my off-day on Friday, really cool I must say. If I were to ask the question, what color would you describe your life to be? What would you say?

As for me, if I were to assign colors to the people I meet, to my experience and my mood each day...then I would say its a spectrum of colors. Bright colors would be assigned to those who made my day, blue...that my color...it's also the color for "Les Bleus", black for the "CBKs", poison people I meet and the Blackpearl of coz. What is most important I suppose is the perspective we take...that will determine the colors in your life.

You may have a black spot painted on your canvas of life today, but take a step back I'm sure you will notice there are a wide array of other colors (unless you some sorry major league loser). Do not focus on just one color, look back in retrospect and enjoy the spectrum.

Till then, I'll continue smoking pot...

Damn Somali pirates...spoil market, Capt says Au Revoir.

Yay...Spurs

2009-04-13T09:23:00.007+08:00

Spurs 1 West Ham 0...yay Spurs. Last year when the 08/09 season began, it was disastrous for Spurs. They were at the bottom of the table for ages. Even with top imports it never did anything to boost them out of the bottomless pit. In came Redknapp in October the new boss-man and tides changed. Now Spurs are in the top 10 of the table, and the season is ending soon...yay. If they play with the continuous fighting spirit they may even qualify for the Europa League...fingers cross.

What Spurs need right now are sure fire strikers, hopefully Dafoe recovers before the season ends. I bet he and Keane would be potent up front. They are doin fine in the midfields with Modric, Lennon, Jenas and Palacios. Defence need to be worked on King has injury issues, can't partner Woodgate now can he? Think Spurs need to build up this area by next season.

Goalkeeper...kudos to Gomes...once known as the butter-finger has now bloomed to one good goalie. His weakness is still in set-pieces. His confidence has returned but need to work on set-piece, most of the goals against Spurs come from set-piece. In short, Viva Spurs Allez Spurs.

Queequeg does the Hakka, Capt says Au Revoir.

Easter Sunday

2009-04-09T16:16:00.006+08:00

OK, so we have Good Friday…what’s next…Easter Sunday of course. On Easter Sunday, Christians celebrate the resurrection of the Lord, Jesus Christ. It is typically the most well-attended Sunday service of the year for Christian churches.

Christians believe according to Scripture, that Jesus came back to life, or was raised from the dead, three days after his death on the cross. As part of the Easter season, the death of Jesus Christ by crucifixion is commemorated on Good Friday, always the Friday just before Easter. Through his death, burial and resurrection, Jesus paid the penalty for sin, thus purchasing for all who believe in him, eternal life in Christ Jesus.

The fact that Jesus was resurrected from the dead, and that His resurrection demonstrates that we can indeed be promised an eternal home in Heaven by receiving Jesus as our Savior…Christ's resurrection is something that should be celebrated every day, not just once a year.

The tomb is empty, He has risen..., Capt says Au Revoir.

Good Friday

2009-04-09T16:02:00.004+08:00

Good Friday is the Friday immediately preceding Easter Sunday. It is traditionally the day on which Jesus was crucified. Why is Good Friday referred to as “good”? What the Jewish authorities and Romans did to Jesus was definitely not good. However, the results of Christ’s death are very good! The big question now is why did Jesus had to die? I suppose by answering this question, I hope the reader would then understand the fundamental of the Christian faith and the meaning behind Good Friday. Here goes;

Sin entered the world through one man's disobedience - Adam, and now all of us are born into this "sinful nature". God being all merciful, powerful and forgiving is also holy, righteous and just. Because of sin, we are separated from God. God's holiness and justice demand that sin and rebellion be punished. The only penalty or payment for sin is eternal death. Our death is not sufficient to atone for sin because atonement requires a perfect, spotless sacrifice, offered in just the right way. Jesus, the one perfect God-man, came to offer the pure, complete and everlasting sacrifice to remove, atone, and make eternal payment for our sin. Only through Jesus Christ can our sins be forgiven, thus restoring our relationship with God and removing the separation caused by sin. Our faith, looking backward to his act of salvation, saves us. When we accept Jesus' payment for our sin, his perfect sacrifice washes away our sin and restores our right standing with God. God's mercy and grace provided a way for our salvation.

In summary, when we are "in Christ Jesus" we are covered by his blood through his sacrificial death, our sins are paid for, and we no longer have to die an eternal death. We receive eternal life though Jesus Christ. And this is why Jesus had to die.

Many Christian churches celebrate Good Friday with a subdued service, usually in the evening, when Christ’s death is remembered with solemn hymns, prayers of thanksgiving, a message centered on the Messiah’s suffering for our sakes. Good Friday…the events of that day should be ever on our minds because the death of Christ on the cross is the paramount event of the Christian faith.

The blood that was shed on the cross, was for you and me, Capt says Au Revoir.

TV rocks!

2009-04-06T17:20:00.003+08:00

I love nothing more than to sit in front of the idiot box vegetating...ahhhh bliss. Turned to channel 711 AXN...woohoo...Coldplay live in UK. They played "Viva La Vida"...awesome. I love Coldplay. Later watched channel 551 Discovery channel...Man vs Wild...Fuyoh...this dude drink his own pee to stay alive. Would any of you drink your own pee from RM1million? Was flipping thru the channels and came across 521 from Down Under...was watching this cool music video...Coldplay again...woohoo...but forgot the title of the song...fan of Coldplay konon.

Later that night Wigan was behind Eveton by 2 goals...goodbye Wigan, flip to channel 122 Astro Awani. Cool title..."Gerak Kilat" by Jins Shamsuddin who plays the malaysian version of James Bond...Jeffri Zain. Wah ha ha ha hilarious, it has all the elements of a B-movie, bad script, poor acting and kayu actors/actresses. I remember one scene, the heroine was trapped in a room filling up with water with Jeffri. So took off her bra (they don't do this anymore in movies these days...good old days) and lo and behold, concealed in her bra was a little gun with 2 bullets. "Ada 2 peluru, kau bunuh saja saya, kemudian kau boleh bunuh diri mu"...wah ha ha ha hilarious acting. For all its worth, I kinda enjoyed it. Next was "Simon Says"...aaawww...stoopid movie...switched to football again, Eveton 4 Wigan 0. Next channel MU 3 Aston Villa 2...noooo...freaking 2 last minute goals. Depress depress, bloody MU got away. Pegi tidur, sudah lewat...zzzzzz in la la land.

I love foreplay, play-play and coldplay, Capt says Au Revoir.

Hard-selling Trolls

2009-04-06T16:30:00.003+08:00

Went jalan jalan at Sunway Pyramid last evening, parked the car and got out from the escalator facing Harvey Norman. Nothing much to see and decided to walked towards J.Co doughnuts. That stretch was quite crowded, and as I walk along it I cannot but have this nagging feeling I'm being watched...the force serves me well. True enough, coming my way at full steam at my 1 o'clock this dude with forms in his hand stood in my way. "Excuse me sir, do you have a credit card...you wanna try my credit card, free for life, got rebate when you pump petrol yadda yadda yadda etc". With an icy stare right into his eyes, "NO"...and I guess he must have read my mind "Outta my way...I'm walking here"...back-off he did.

A little further down another troll pops up, this time its a she-troll...tak cun pun. "NO" I said the moment I saw her coming my way, shot down before you could even say "Excuse me". But if she was cun, depan ada belakang ada bukan macam papan, I would have stopped and listened for a while...she would have had me at "Excuse me"...ha ha ha. Sigh... another approached me as I was approaching J.Co...it bites the dust too.
What does it take to enjoy your jalan jalan at the shopping mall these days? Fed-up with all the hardsell from these trolls. Free for life my a**, b'cos after year 1 they charge you annual fee and when you call to complaint they say policy change...but they can waive it for you since you used it more than 12 times. Right...how come you never told me this before. I'm happy with my current credit card, so don't bother me will ya you trolls!!

Shoo don't bother me! Gi main jauh jauh.

Load torpedo tubes 1 & 2, Capt says Au Revoir.

Monday Biru

2009-04-06T12:39:00.007+08:00

How your day begins is kinda important as it can influence how the rest of your day turns out. My mood was ruined Saturday night itself, Spurs lost 2-1 to freaking Blackburn...2 last minute goals. Then came Monday morning Villa lost to freaking MU 3-2...again to 2 last minute goals. Shit...that really got the shit ball rolling...good morning shitty monday. The only consolation from EPL this week is "moi" is "numero uno" in the fantasy league...mua ha ha ha.

Alarm rang at 6am, shut it and balik tidur only to wake up half an hour later...oooo shit. Quick mandi, no time to "pang sai" got outta the house...jam at Sunway toll. Cleared the toll 30 minutes later and came face to face with a white Mercedes, hello C** B** this is a 2 lane road if you din notice, what the shit are you trying to do creating a third lane. So freaking close to my car, was playing chicken with him every single step...until conventional wisdom took precedence, let the prick win...if kena accident lagi susah. As I stop to let the prick move into my lane, another prick shows up from behind and makan into my lane...ok pass...I'm in no mood to argue with you in the morning...my ego take the back seat. Pricks 2 Capt 0.

Came to the office had my breakfast and hot coffee, ahhhh soothing...I though the worst is gone. Out from the corner I see a shadow, familiar shadow...its...its the silhouette of the 48 year old virgin...eeeewww poisonous fella...lets call her auntie for short. Auntie has issues with my crew, accusing them of saying that she is mental...which my crew never did. Auntie must be psyhic, can hear people talk when nobody did. Hmmm...did she hear people's thoughts or hear voices from somewhere else. So now she merajuking dun want to liase with any of them...so I had to be a messenger. She came over to my place and say "here return this document to you", yes true...the document belongs to my section...but speak with my crew lah as they are the custodian. As I called auntie and ask her to hand it over to the document custodian, she buat tak dengar tak tau...terus jalan. So I called her twice, bikin tak dengar...there is no way tak dengar...cos auntie was just 2 feets away. How rude!!!

This raises an interesting point, if some tua auntie whose both "front and back door" hasn't been used before (virgin...muhhh) would they hear voices??? The truth is out there. I know when people while using the front door... got some other noise they hear...he he he.

I love mouse hunt, Capt says Au Revoir.

FARKS

2009-04-02T14:32:00.010+08:00

I was at Tesco Puchong the other day...buying my weekly groceries. If you observe the people around you doing their groceries, you can tell if they are single, students, married or married with family just by kaypoh-ing looking into their trolley. I usually make a list of about 10+ items to buy but everytime when I finished its like 20+ items in the trolley. Funnily most of the stuff I purchased would only be used once or twice and I tend to forget about it until it expires. This happens all the time everytime. One thing about me is that whatever stuff I purchased it will be opened at home, that me I suppose. No matter how tempting it is to open it there at Tesco, I will make it a point to wait. I've seen some people just grab a packet of chips open it and go on a munching spree as they continue shopping. I don't have issues with such fellas as long as they pay for it at the counter...kinda weird if you ask me. Imagine handing over your can of half drunk coke to the cashier for her to scan the price, chances are she would ponder for a moment and hand the can back to you. If she bags it...there goes your coke, paid in full but half drunk. Wait till I get home and buka is still my policy.

What really irks me is this category of people...fat and revolting kiasu shit..."FARKS" in short. I met one the other day when I was at the fresh fruits aisle and there it was a FARKS... this was slightly different... she was on a wheelchair. There she was picking up a bunch of grapes... picking the good ones into her plactic bag and the rest she doesn't want she just threw it back. To my disgust she pops a few into her mouth and continue with her grape selection. C'mon there are other consumers in the store, I'm certain they dun want a to buy a bunch of grapes that already ruins b'cos FARKS like her FARKS-handled them, what more bunch of grapes without the grapes. I just stared with disgust at her but dia buat tak tau tak kisah. Just b'cos you are physically challenged that doesn't give you the right to be so freaking selfish.

That was my worst FARKS encountered to date, I noticed they all got this thing in common...they are fat and ugly and...grapes appeal to them. All my encounter with this creature were at the aisle where they place the grapes. I bet Tesco is aware of this parasitic creatures, just that they are at loss how to get rid of them. Maybe they should have FARKS of the day contest. See when a FARKS is caught, balloons would fall from the ceiling, someone walks up to them and put a "FARKS of the day" sach around them and they get to take a photo with the store manager. Hmmm...something to ponder...FARKS are so thick skin dunno if they would feel embarrassed?

FARKS make good Kraken bait, Capt says Au Revoir.

Les Bleus wins!!!

2009-04-02T09:54:00.014+08:00

Group 7 World Cup Qualifier

France 1 Lithuania 0....YAY wooohoo. Caya lah, France made my day, finally I've seen some progress from a lackluster start. I felt France would be able to do better...no thanks to Raymond Domenech...CBK of a coach. His ass is safe for now. If I were him I would bring in the young blood into the team after getting knocked out from the 2006 world cup, by now the team would be one that is molded and synergised. Unlike now, this CBK is still experimenting. France has a good chance of qualifying to the 2010 world cup but not sure about them performing well like in 1998. Sack Raymond Domenech, gimme Laurent Blanc or Jean Tigana. France need a potent striker now, Henry is aging, Anelka not consistent, Benzema yet to show what he is made of...as such goals are coming from the midfields...can't be depending on the midfields right?

I'm rooting for France good or bad.

Viva France Allez Les Bleus, Capt says Au Revoir.

Terror Merral

2009-04-01T16:54:00.006+08:00

Ahhh finally, manage to get into the blog...had problems with the connection over the last couple of days...thats why no updates lor. The Capt is baaacckk...anyone missed me?

Have you come across people who likes to berlagak, tunjuk terror...in the process hoping they impress you or intimidate you? I met lotz of such creatures. Why can't they just lead a normal life instead of trying too hard impress or stroke their ego to an orgasm. Here are some interesting encounter I had with those creatures.

1. Berlagak trying to show you "drink salt water" i.e overseas educated lah. Speaking speaking in Mat Salleh slang. Big deal speaking speaking...what does it prove? The one that take the cake are those "sekolah cina mari", can't speak proper engrish dun lagak speaking speaking lor. Talk like a regular malaysian won't kill you one leh. They most of the time add "s" to every word that spews from their mouth. Example; "lets go's eats" or "whats is yours names". I would go around saying something like "All your bases are belonging to us" to spite these creatures, so far none got what it meant yet...he he he.

2. Wine drinking is becoming very popular now, and there are some losers who would jump into the wine drinking band-wagon lor...nak tunjuk ada class konon. I once invited a group of people I know over for lunch, had spaghetti and some of us brought wine. There was this pompuan who tunjuk terror... minum wine pun tak erti, nak bagi komen..."This wine so so only...you should buy 1945". I was like waiting for her to complete her sentence, but she stopped at 1945...period. Harlo!!! C*** B** 1945 is the year, what good is it if your quote the year??? If you want to do it right, say lah something like "Chateau le Bordeux 1945". By naming the brand and year, people who knows something about wine would know the type of wine, region, country and year...and if its a reknown wine you are quoting, people would concur with you. Dun lah just quote 1945, you can fool others but not me...am not impressed at all! Fake...wannabe...ptooi!! Btw "Chateau le Bordeux 1945" does not exist, I was just making a point here. Please dun go to "Denise Wine Shop" and say a bottle of "Chateau le Bordeux 1945" please...nanti kena "Tiaw".

3. I like listening to mp3 while working, it helps me think...but once there was this dude asked if I listen to classical music. My reply was not really...wah this "tu lan" fella say I'm not cultured, dunno how to appreciate classical music. Oooo...not cultured huh u say, I went on to ask who was his favourite composer? He said "Mozart"...ooo a slight tinge of culture I detect in this fella. Ok which piece I asked? His response was I dunno the title but went to to hum the tune of that piece to me...I asked again, which piece? He condesendingly say this song lah and continue humming. If he had said "Mozart 12 symphony in C minor", I would salute him...ada culture. The only culture he got is the bacteria culture festing near his asshole cos he din wash...TNS...what audacity to call me uncultured.

4. I beh tahan people who cannot pronounce orang punya name correctly e.g, Philip is not Philips, P-lip or Fee-lip ok. I'm very particular one, as getting someone's name correct is an indicator that shows how much respect you have towards others. Once I was at this karaoke, this dude was hogging the mike...I want to sing this song "I love Chopin by Gazebo" he says and happily singing out of tune...but what scores big time was the name "Chopin". "Chopin" is pronounce "Show-Pun" not "Chopping". That evening this C*** B** was serenading us about his love for "Choppping"...aiyoh shoot me lah. Cannot sing already bad enough, to top it up... cannot pronounce people's name somemore...KNN.

Watch the portside, left full rudder, Capt says Au Revoir.

Bearish Market

2009-03-24T10:38:00.003+08:00

23 Mar 09, lunch time...

"Ding" the elevator door opened, me and my first officer "Zee" walked in. Hello...lookee here, "Adeline" is with us in the elevator...chatting away with her friends. In my previous blog "Koyak", I mentioned that she was kinda OK looking from afar...just that her butt moves from left to right. So , I kaypoh a bit lah...eeeew...her voice sounds like a tikus squeeking away...and there are LRT tracks on her teeth (braces).

"Crash" stock market... crash big time. Quick Zee let get out of here, I don't want to loose my appetite for lunch. After taking a closer look, tak cun lah. But I let "Adeline" go out first lor...at least can still watch her butt go left right left right.

16 men on a dead man's chest..., Capt says Au Revoir.

"Tinkerbell"... is that you??

2009-03-23T12:30:00.007+08:00

21 Mar 09, Stadium Putra Bukit Jalil 1630HRS;

I was at Bukit Jalil catching "Disney on Ice-Princess Wishes", was there at 1550HRS...an ocean of kids I saw. Made my way to the entrance got...met this dude selling pop-corn, thought to myself why not. Took a box and found out it was RM10...bummer...not worth it, should have asked for price first before buying. Then got myself a bottle of coke...double bummer RM3. This is daylight robbery man, paid RM13 for pop-corn and coke...its three times the price I pay at TGV...freaking robbers. I was noticing the kids around me, screaming for their parents to get them all those disney accessories...those robbers had a field day robbing people.

1615HRS

Made my way into the stadium, had to walk up...cos I got the cheapest seat muh! Was inside, not bad the setup...the ocean must have flowed into the stadium...kids kids everywhere. I recalled having been to disney on ice ages ago when I was a kid, can't recall being all that exicited...hmmm maybe then it was probably my parents wanted to watch it more than me.

1630HRS

Light went out, announcement that the show is starting...suddenly there was this lady in green with wings on her back and a magis (konon) wand came out skating all over the arena and she was introduced as "Tinkerbell". The entire stadium erupted with kids cheering and applause...but me. I was thinking that can't be "Tinkerbell", no way that's "Tinky"...why? Well...she's FAT...yup FAT. Gosh look at her thigh man, its as big as a tree...those are the thighs of footballers not "Tinky".

Shit like what happen to disney, can't they find someone slimmer to play the role of "Tinky". C'mon, watch disney channel astro 613..."Tinky" is potrayed as the slim fairy, look at comic books...same...slim. Even the movie "Hook", Julia Roberts and not Rosie O'Donald played the role of "Tinkerbell" and she was slim ...not to forget...hot too. Aww c'mon disney, you can fool the kid but you can't fool me...thats no "Tinkerbell"...thats a fat girl in a green suit with wings prancing around.

Fat absolutely fat, I bet those little wings of hers can't lift her fat ass of the ground...and those killer thighs, they are bigger than Zidane's...and she dun look pretty at all. I want my money back!!! Somewhere along the show "Tinkerbelle" flew and the kids went wild with ...oooooooo. Kids...yo stoopid kids...can't you see they are using cables to lift her up...arrgghhh...bodoh. Parents tell your kids the truth, that the fat girl can't fly. I suppose I didn't really enjoy the show much, was waiting for it to end...finally it happened 1815HRS...finito.

Made my way hastily out to the cark-park...gosh ocean of stoopid kids with their parent. I wonder if the parents brought their kids to a sham show, was to erase the guilt of not spending time with their child. Whatever, at least my day was not all too bad...Spurs beat Chealsea and MU bites the dust again...ha ha ha ha.

"Tinkerbell" don't fly too close to the BlackPearl, we will shoot you down with our cannons...we shit you not!!

Davy Jones is a pussy, Capt says Au Revoir.

"Makcik"

2009-03-18T17:43:00.003+08:00

I had a wonderful day at the office today, sitting down having meeting for almost the entire day...totally drained. Tomorrow is another day...shoot me pleeeze! Its not the meeting that is dreadful but more the torture and torment I need to put up with from the "makcik".

Who is the "makcik"? She comes from the dark abyss from the land of Hedge aaR, short, ugly with a bad attitude. Look like a cross between the troll from "Lord of the Rings" and a cow. The short, ugly and bad attitude are the attibutes of the troll, the sagging boobs are inherited from the cow.

"Makcik" torments me by opening her mouth when its not required, offering suggestions that cannot pakai one. The worst part is "makcik" thinks she is right...she will "lan-sily" tell you off. So when the good Capt ("moi") tembak balik, "makcik" will crawl back under the rock she came from waiting to pounce again. What I beh tahan is sudah kena tembak so many times still dunno how to shadup, worst still..."lan-si" lagi. Soooo geram I feel like ripping her bra off, shaff it down her throat and tie her sagging boobs into a knot or bow.

Sigh....what to do, all organisation got its fair share of irritant. Maybe I should use her as bait to catch the "Kraken". Come to think of it better not... so ugly the "Kraken" might just spit her out and go for my ship instead...hmmm. Ah well, I'm off to play futsal...release tension. May tomorrow be a good and fruitful day.

I'm having barracuda for dinner, Capt says Au Revoir.

"Koyak"

2009-03-17T13:42:00.006+08:00

Burrrppp!!...just finished lunch...thought I might as well write something, lest I fall asleep on my desk. On my way out for lunch with my pirate mates there was this girl who shared the same elevator with us. I took the opportunity to "cuci mata" lah, so so looking la...petite...and I skillfully tengok her name tag, tengok apa nama. This takes years of practice ok...to "look but not look"...especially if you look at boobs. Ah, your name is "Adeline".

Elevator hit ground floor, door opened...after you Adeline. What caught my attention was the way she walked. Left right left right, swinging like a pendulum was her butt. If I were to tie 2 drums by her waist, it would go "tum, tum, tum, tum". Aiyoh...I asked my 1st pirate officer "Zee", "apasal jalan cam tu huh, sengaja atau apa?"

"Hmm...tu lah dah koyak...Capt", Zee replied. "Koyak?!"...Fuyoh! and I turned my attention to Zee, and said "You also koyak but dun walk like that"." I jaga Capt, if dun jaga wan ah bola golf pun boleh masuk", my 1st officer replied.

Good heavens, who or what have she been doing "it" with until bola golf boleh masuk...King Kong? "That's not the worst I've seen Capt, some ah... sampai air pun flow out", Zee continued. "Water flow out, surely this cannot be real", I said. "Betul Capt, bila main nanti...bukan banjir kilat...Tsunami!", Zee said and from the looks of Zee's face, its' no joke. Fuyoh of Fuyoh...Tsunami!!

Yesterday was bunyi, today...Tsunami...this is better than discovery channel I tell you. I was so engrossed with this revelation, I lost sight of "Adeline Kiri Kanan". My take on this to you ladies, if you koyak oredi lay off the brocolli, tembikai, straws and please lah exercise or jaga sikit. If not, it will "bunyi" and tsunami will wash you away.

Mermaids are not real, Capt says Au Revoir.

"Bunyi"

2009-03-16T14:15:00.006+08:00

I was minding my business as usual in the office, when something on a magazine at Zee's table caught my eye. It say's "Mengapa Vagina Berbunyi Ketika Hubungan Intim"...the first thing that went thru my mind was...can make sound one ah...FUYOH. Well, instinctively I went on to educate myself. Oooh I see, "Queef" or "flatus vaginalis" is air forced out of a girl’s vagina, such as during vaginal sex . Wow...at first glance when I saw the title, I thought the vagina could talk or something...if it could say "hello"...that would be awesome.

Queef is caused by the elasticity of the vagina muscle...hmm?! The magazine went on further to say that drinking using a straw can cause air to be trapped in the vagina?? Is this for real??...which mouth is thirsty lah? Eating certain type of food can also cause air to be trapped...eg nuts, cabbage and brocolli. "Doggie style" also can cause air pockets to be trapped...this is all so new to comprehend...hilarious. If you don't believe me, go buy this magazine "famili harmoni" March issue, RM4 only.

I dunno how this sounds like...but I can't help but remembering a song I sang at kindergarten. It goes like this: ayam bunyi kokok kok kok kok, burung bunyi pipit pit pit pit...vagina bunyi ?????

Shiver me timbers, Capt says Au Revoir.

"Hantu"

2009-03-13T14:58:00.004+08:00

Have you seen a ghost before? What would you do when you see one? "Low-sai" on the spot, faint or scold bad words (ha ha ha...like lah the ghost understand). The other day a friend of mine showed me a video clip of a ghost captured on CCTV at CIMB bank... looked fake lah. I forwarded it to a few of my friends and standard answer...fake lah. So, I asked around lor if they have had any experience before. One did mentioned that my office is haunted...said one day she was alone in the office at 8pm, she heard the computer keyboard typing by itself at the cubicle diagonally in front of her and the photocopy machine was running itself. Shit...I'm moving to that cubicle next month. The ladies toilet at my floor is said to be haunted too, careful...ada hantu tengok "car-chng"...is this the "car-chng kooi"?...ha ha hah. Hear load of stories lah, haunted dengkil road, demonic possession, 3rd eye etc.

I've not had an encounter myself, but here is my take on subject. They are for real and strangely both men and women will tend to attract different spiritual beings. Let me explain;

Men have a tendency to see angels; any guy who see a beautiful girl will say its an angel...even James Blunt wrote it in his song. If this is the case, I've seen many in my lifetime not to forget I see 10cent face too. Joanne Kam Poh Poh once mentioned on the radio, there was this "hamsup" dude she spoke to did mentioned that if he put his face on women's boobs he will hear angels sing. There, proof enough for you?... I've never heard angels sing yet...maybe I was to busy with something else...he he he wink.

Women tend to see ghost, sorry but true if you are good looking. Good looking women tend to attract the "hamsap kwai" and "yum sap kwai". I don't think you can get rid of them la...use "fu" (amulet) won't work one. Just make sure you dun pakai so revealing lor...else you see the air liur meleleh from the "yum sap" ghost or the "ham sap" ghost will try to touch your boobs. So be careful lor ladies.

Sink the Flying Dutchman!!, Capt says Au Revoir.

"Cagu"

2009-03-11T10:23:00.003+08:00

My battle with the "Cagu" (in-grown toenail) has finally come to an end last evening...Capt Jack Pipit emerged the victor...woohoo. I've been battling this problem since 1 year ago...bontot gatal lor...go and cut my toenail too deep and the "cagu" spreads its ugly head or revenge. It grew and poke on the tender flesh on the left side of the left big toe. I didn't bother about the pain at first but s*** it got infected and 'si beh thia". I tried treating it but gave up when the infection was so bad that part of the flesh bludge out...ouch ouch ouch. OK go see Dr. The Dr was a young lady and she went "oh dear"...she touch my toe for a good 1 sec and quick wash her hands with disinfectant and hurriedly give me a prescription. Harlo Dr its just a small wound lah, not some sort of ebola plague...touch it and die kinda thing. This is the reason why I don't trust company panel doctors. Ate the antibiotics and got better...swelling subside and wound healed. Yay...I won or so I thought.

As time passes, your toenail grows and it would poke the tender flesh. Each time it happens I would cut the "cagu" only to find it repeating itself. Maybe the "cagu" has a mind of its own, each time I cut it, it would exert revenge the next time by growing deeper and the toenail gets harder. Revenge of the "cagu" I say. It would be a painful and enduring time, each time I try to yank the "cagu" out. If it bleeds I would pour "Betadine" on the wound preventing it from being infected. I didn't do it any justice either, played futsal and having buffalo strikers stamping on my feet...this fellas just seem to know where it hurts...just have to stamp on the big toe of my left feet...ouch!

Last week had another fight with the "cagu" again, this time failed to cut it. It was too deep and too hard...oh oooo...hunted for "scholl" toenail softening lotion. Applied it on the toenail, it got soft but not soft enough for me to pry it out...time is running out...ouch ouch..."cagu" is jabbing the tender flesh ouch ouch. Woke up from bed yesterday morning and decided enough is enough..."I had enough of you, you are coming out for good". I've decide to see a Dr (not from company panel) to have my entire toenail removed, I was prepared to hobble around the office for a week in slippers and bandage for a week. Hey a small price to pay to get rid of the "cagu".

So I got off early to go see a Dr of my own choosing...Dr Wong (from Tmn Paramount behind the shell station). The white haired Dr just smile when he saw the evil "cagu" and said lets remove part of your toenail and that should solve your problem. Part? Did you say part...woohoo... I though you need to remove the entire toenail, but if you say part..."lets get it over and done with". "Cheng cheng"...oooooo "cagu" your time is up.

Dr Wong prepared an injection to flood my toe with anesthetic...scary man...big huge jab but within seconds my toe was numb...the good Dr laughed, "you can chop that toe off and won't feel a thing" he said. Ha ha ha farny farny Dr. Next he took out a scarpel and started to make a groove on my toenail..."I'm just going to cut off 1/3 of your toenail" says Dr Wong..."Painful" he continued. "No" I said putting a brave look but really no pain wor. Next an instrument that looks like a plier was use to break the nail and he yanked it out...eeewww...no pain but was not a pretty sight. He next applied antiseptic liquid on the wound...you can see blood ooozing out. "Any pain" he asked..."only on the right part of my toe Dr...where you thumb is pressing" says me. "Oh...I just anesthesize the left part of your toe, you see... there of 2 nerves on your toe left & right" the good Dr explained. Ok Ok...now I know...but do you have to squeeze the right part of the toe so hard ah? Next he took a scissor to jab the flesh where you toenail begins to check if there are nail remnants...eeew...good thing I didn't feel it.

"There all done"..."your toenail will grow straight from now on just don't cut too deep ya!"...TQ Dr...I won, I finally won...my battle with the evil "cagu" has finally ended...woooohooo. Dr says i can wear shoes the next day, but I'm not risking it...in slippers today maybe shoes tomorrow. 2 things I learned, firstly... cut your toenail horizontally , leave the side alone else "cagu" will come and bite you and secondly... your toe have got 2 nerves ... left and right (is this important?!). Good riddance "cagu".

Death to the "cagu", Capt says Au Revoir.

Cuci ke tak??

2009-03-10T11:17:00.006+08:00

Do a little experiment for me will ya... and you will see the relevance to what I'll be writting. OK here goes, right after you had you lunch/dinner stick your thumb into your mouth for about 10 minutes (do this in private if you are shy lah...I'm trying to illustrate a point here the best I can). Next, wipe that thumb of yours with a piece of tissue...under no circumstances are you to wash it. Ok, now that you've done what I said...smell you thumb...tell me what you think. If anyone of you tells me it smells like fresh baked bread...you are nothing but a bloody LIAR!!

The point is, if you do not wash you ass after doing your business it's going to smell much worse than your thumb. Wiping it with tissue ain't going to cut it, if it didn't work for the thumb what makes you thing it will do for the ass? Why I'm telling you all this???...hmm...personal hygiene is important to me ok...nuff said.

I know, not everyone washes...I know the Japanese washes, so does our Malay friends...but not the "angmoh". I know of "angmoh" who tak mandi...tak mandi in our humid weather!?...gosh...if tak mandi what more cuci the car-chng. Poor hygiene I tell you. Think about it for a sec, you doing the 69 and suddenly ...sniff sniff...eeeew...there you go...put off ain't it. Wiping and taking a shower later don't count too...there is a risk of getting skid marks on your taifu...eeeww...worst if you wear g-string...you have a brown string...double eeeew. WASH in name of hygiene!!Still not convinced? Tell me, what would you do if a pigeon poooed on you hand when you take a walk in the park? Look for a toilet to wash it off or wipe it with a piece of tissue and go enjoying the park?

Because of this I'll make sure that if I need to do big business the toilet has to have a hose...to be on the safe side always do business in the morning at home (some training is required). Good thing about toilets in Malaysia is that most of them got washing ass facility...but not in Singapore. I just cannot imagine going to a meeting with your Kiasu cousin who has "pang-sai" smells lingering near the ass...puke puke.

Imagine, you got a someone who is about to give you "head"...and suddenly curses..."#@* KNN... Lampar...boh say car-chng" ...so close yet so far, you blew it. So, its either you wash or you smell.

Off to save the whales, Capt says Au Revoir.

Machine 2 Card-holders 0

2009-03-06T14:15:00.003+08:00

5 Mar 9.00PM
Drove to the bank with the tag line "... that never sleeps" lah...you go figure which one la. Wanted to settle my credit card bill, by the time I got the there...WAH!! the queue so panjang until Tesco Puchong. What to do, line up lor have to settle the bill muh...if not kena finance charge.

Sigh...boring queue so long nothing to cuci mata...all "batangs"...got lah a couple of "batang-less"...but not cun at all...no make-up lor b'cos "mandi" already, wash away all the ICI paint on the face. The true face value is exposed...hmm...let me count got 10cents face... 20cents face oso got. Boooring...beratur "ing".

9.15PM
15 minutes already, woohoo 2 more persons in front of me. Spoke too sooon...this fella really "TL". Got so many credit cards to pay...thats OK...maybe..."ah pig", "ah dog", "ah XXX" ask him to help them pay...efficient muh...1 fella pay for so many fellas...shorten the queue...logical. But, the thing I "TL" most is he has to count the money first before slotting into the machine, bugger one freaking big stack of money...can't he just count at home or in the car first before he gets in the bank. The machine also counts for you ...tau tak? But NOOOO, he has to count note by note then only put in the machine, the machine went on like "toot toot toot..." our friend here slow motion...note by note. Yo!!! "LP"...look behind you...queue sampai Tesco Puchong liao..."C** B**" faster lah.

9.25PM
Still there, paying for his card and suddenly the machine went "prrrt"...vomit out RM50...reject. Our fren tried again, machine "prrrt" again. This "TL man" still "boh" understand...change note lah, but he still use back the same note and I keep hearing "prrrt" for the next 5-6 times. Aiyoh, nevermind lah, just come back another day to put in the RM50 lor...but our fren genius...press cancel, machine vomit the whole stack of notes. He slot this RM50 into the stack and feed the machine again..."prrt" again..reject RM50...DUH!!!!...the queue is now all the way to Sunway Toll liao lah. Finally, after another 2 "prrrt" he accepted defeat..the machine wins...make the transaction put the rejected RM50 into wallet and off he goes...dare not even look at queue.

930PM
Yay, finally my turn..."tit tit toot tit"...processing my transaction now, I was "lan si" lah...thought to myself that my notes are all brand new, just withdrawn from the ATM...machine will accept them all...fed RM500 to the machine. "Prrrt"!!!!...WTF... vomit RM250...shit I feel like the CBK I kutuk earlier..."pai seh pai seh". Feed RM250 to the machine..."prrrt"...reject RM200...aiyoh "WHY ME"...feed one more time...take it lah bloody machine these are brand new notes "KNN"..."prrrt" reject RM100. I surrender liao, machine you win....I come back another day to do battle with you. Take my receipt cabut lari lor...dare not look behind.

Moral of the story is "the machine is a C** B** with a mind of it's own". Machine 2 Card-holders 0. You win...for now. Kena mandi bunga liao.

Plot a course to Mauritania, Capt says Au Revoir.

Big Dick Theory

2009-03-03T17:03:00.004+08:00

Rihanna made headlines when she got bashed up by boyfren Chris Brown...if you wanna know what a "Chi Tau Ping" looks like...go google it. Its' disgust me that that Chris would beat her up this way...it doesn't matter if she has been a freaking pain in the azz, but a real man wouldn't beat up a woman...so Chris Brown you ain't a man and KNN to you CBK.

But this takes the cake here...Rihanna is going back to the faggoty Chris...WTF?... this fella say soli soli and you go back to him??? I could only wonder...did Chris beat her so hard she went stupid or something? or... Chris got a "Big Dick!!". How in the world a successful artist like Rihanna not ditch a woman beater, there are lots more men out there...good ones I mean. This supports my "Big Dick" theory. I can agree with the forgiving him shit but going back as an item with faggoty...simply unbelievable. Whats wrong with the picture here?

No eye see, its your life. See how the sky keep you and him.

Right full rudder, Capt says Au Revoir.

4 Rules

2009-03-03T12:18:00.003+08:00

I've been in the work scene for slightly above 13 years and I'm still dreaming for the day I clear all my commitments or retire early. Until and unless something like a couple of million of dollars suddenly appearing in my bank account, I'm destined to work until retirement.

This means I would have to be on a look out for those poison people you work with. They are everywhere, you can't escape them coz every organization have them. So best be on the look out. Here are 4 rules I adhere to:

Rule#1: Trust No One,... ya I know...X-Files also have muh...but it a good rule to follow...why...see what happened to all of Mulder's informer...mati kong kiau liau.

Rule#2: Remember Rule#1...if not don't blame me if you get bitten on your ass...I'll be there to say "I told you so" nyah nyah nyah.

Rule#3: Always cover you ass or "car-chng"...what in the world the cc is for in your email...not carbon copy, rather "cover car-chng". Work and think smart OK! ...bcc is there to remind you for very important stuff you "better cover car-chng"...ada faham?

Rule#4: Don't talk too much...don't open yourself up, loose lips gets you killed...every organisation has 1 or 2 "lau sai" mouth (go see my blog on "Odd Ball Category").

Watch the port side, Capt says Au Revoir

Carling Cup

2009-03-02T09:59:00.008+08:00

Watched the Carling Cup last night, which ended this morning at 2am with MU winning the penalty shootouts...booohooo hooooo WHHYYYY!! Bloody spineless MU, they deserve to win nothing...nothing I say.

Though Spurs played well with Modric, Lennon threatening the attack and King holding the fort...alas...sigh. If only Spurs played the way they did in the premier league they would be in the top 10 of the league. Ditch Bentley and Bent I say, Keane and Dafoe can lead the attack.

There goes the silverware for Spurs, now its up to them pulling themselves out of the relegation zone.

Will go drown my sorrows with Bootstrap, Capt says Au Revoir.

Peek-a-Boo

2009-02-27T12:07:00.006+08:00

I like lunch time very much, as it is a time I get to observe people and will occasionally experience an interesting phenomenon...the "Peek-a-Boo" phenomenon. I just finished having nasi daun pisang for lunch today at Kanna's and was about to leave ...there it was "Peek-a-Boo" waving at me. When something wave at you how lah not to look.

This butt crack just crawled out of this girl's pants and started waving at me...mind you it waved at me first ok! Instinctively I would match the butt crack back to the face, wanna to see who the owner is muh. If muka "cun"... wooohoo, if not try not to puke lor... but judging from the size of the pants it crawled out from at Kanna's, I resisted to look at the face...else RM10.60 go to waste.

It was not without great effort to resist my naughty tendency to slowly creep up the butt-crack and yell "Hello" with the top of my lungs each time a butt crack waved at me... will I get a "HELLO HEllo hello" echoing back at me...still a mystery to me.

There was this once, this butt cracked jumped out at me and just didn't want to leave my sight...worst still it was at church. It escaped this loosely worn pants and the "tali-G" didn't really restrain it...so it kept going "Boo, look at me, Boo". Gosh...it was really a testing time at church...lead me not into temptation and deliver me from the butt crack. Peek-a-Boo" isn't something new, I just pray the next time it happens the owner isn't some guy...aiyoh "CHOY CHOY CHOY" suey man...kena mandi bunga for 1 week leh.

I just wonder, why is this phenomenon quite common...it is fashion to use less cloth to make pants? or people buy Rm10 for 3 taifu from pasar malam...the lastik only last for a month before it becomes longgar and butt crack escapes and do the "Peek-a-Boo" or both? The truth is out there.

Off to find the KRAKEN, Capt says Au Revoir.

PAIN

2009-02-26T15:19:00.004+08:00

I'm in pain today, hurt my thumb (left hand) playing futsal yesterday...came face to face with a buffalo for a striker who fired a thundering shot straight at my thumb. Initially I thought it was broken, ...phew thank God it wasn't. Ouch ouch...freaking thumb swelled up and if it was green it would look like "tuty's" (my colleague lah) cactus.

Top 5 pain encountered:

5) Infected in-grown toenail - always cut your toenail straight, leave the sides alone (ok doctor TQ for telling me...now)
4) Gastic pain that lasted for 2 weeks - don't play play with this one, it can put a hole in your stomach...this pain can make you expire one.
3) Toothache, embedded wisdom tooth - had to go for surgery cos the stoopid tooth din fully come out
2) Kidney stones - got a grain of sand in the kidney and had to go thru 4 hours of hell...remember no more salt in coke and bloody drink more water
1) Tormented by odd balls - unless they legalised owning a gun...I dunno what else can make this pain go away.

Going to "chiak" painkillers, Capt says Au Revoir.

R u getting "it"

2009-02-26T12:13:00.009+08:00

The Star 25 Feb 09:

Interesting revelation:

[A surprisingly high number of Malaysians are not sexually satisfied, a survey by pharmaceutical company Pfizer has revealed. Two out of three Malaysian men and three out of four women are not satisfied with their sex lives, the Asia-Pacific Sexual Health and Overall Wellness survey stated. Malaysians are ranked sixth among 13 countries but, if it’s any consolation, Singaporeans fared worse. They are in eighth spot.] …YAAAAY Wooohooo!!!

The survey goes on to reveal more interesting stuff… satisfaction is a function of how “keras” little bother is and there is a scale to measure “kekerasan”….FUYOH!!, read on:

[The survey links the level of erection hardness to sexual satisfaction for men.” said Dr King during a roundtable discussion at a hotel here yesterday. The level of erection hardness is measured in a scale of one to four using the Erection Hardness Score (EHS) developed by the European Association of Urology.

“Level one is like tofu where the male organ is large but not hard, level two is similar to a peeled banana where it’s not hard enough for penetration, level three is like an unpeeled banana where it’s hard enough for penetration but not completely, and level four is similar to a cucumber where it’s completely hard and fully rigid,” explained Dr King.

40% of Malaysian men reported that they experienced erection below grade four. Compared to their EHS grade four counterparts, these men have sex less often, are less sexually satisfied, and may suffer from lack of self confidence, or worse, depression. “We found that greater sexual satisfaction is strongly associated with greater satisfaction with life overall. Generally, men and women who are highly satisfied with their sex life have a more positive outlook on their relationships and life.]

Let me make I thing clear, I’m NOT in the 40% OK. I’m generally happy, no depression…..so what does it tell you? I’m basically getting “it” and a grade five…ha ha ha ha (I kill me).

To the 40% Malaysian men here is your silver lining...you all are getting “it” more than your southern cousins…wooohooo…"Malaysia 1-up". So Malaysia “kia” don’t think working in Singapore is cool…you might end up not getting “it”…worst still you might even forget how to do “it”…imagine what life would be then, expire (die) a virgin. Really sad case.

Capt has left the building and says Au Revoir.

Odd Ball Category

2009-02-24T17:44:00.023+08:00

I've met many people from all walks of life, and my observation is that people are generally nice and good, but in all things there are the exceptions. The exceptional ones or shall I say "odd balls" are just basically ... (lack of a better word) people who are different...not special...different. Odd balls, will either make you laugh b'coz of their eccentricity, make you keep your distance b'coz you dunno what they are thinking at the moment or they simply irritate the shit outta you (most of them fall in this category).

When I say odd ball I don't mean criminals, rapist, peverts, thieves etc...they are of a different league. You all can run and hide but karma will come round and bite you on your ass.

OK back to the odd balls, they can be your family (ouch...painful), friends or colleagues (most of them fall in this category). If you do the math; chances are you will find odd balls among your colleagues and will most likely irritate the shit outta you.

I've taken the liberty to categorise odd balls in the following order/classification:

The ones that makes you laugh category:

1. The I see dead people: these are the ones that talk to themselves, just watch them in their cubicle or car...they would smile and talk as though they are having a conversation with someone when there is no one around. Freakishly spooky. My kid brother used to be like this!!...until he got married.

2. The Duhh: 40+ to near retirement single, just strange and cannot click with others. Offend you without knowing it, you would spend time talking about them in the pantry, lunch or skype and have a good laugh about it. I suspect the reason for their behaviour is that they are single and have got a whole lot of pent up sexual frustration. Most likely to expire (die) a virgin.

3. The Einstein: smart fellas but too shy or dunno how to mix with society. They normally hang out with their kind and can talk for hours about things that would normally bore you and me to insanity.

The ones that you keep away from category:

1. Toxic: this fella will kill you with their powerful body odour, i wonder... did an animal crawl up their armpit and died or something? You will know when they are around. Anyone with stuff nose or bad sinus?...toxic might be able to help provide relieve. Poor fellas actually, with little control over their body chemistry....I heard that rubbing limau nipis under the armpit helps....if it doesn't work there is always "sunkist'.

2. MDK (Murder, Death, Kill): people of this category are the quiet loner but damn fierce looking psycho. You dunno if they are plotting to kill you and have you for dinner. They exist but are very rare. I suspect this has something to do with pent up sexual frustration too.

The irritate the shit out of you category:

1. Drama Queen/King: people who blow things out of proportion to get attention. Lack attention as a child, grew up physically not mentally. These are the people who would cry a river and drown the whole world to get attention.

2. Butt Kisser: people who kiss mummy's/daddy's or the bosses ass to get what they want or climb up the food chain. Their speciality...French kissing the ass. When finish pangsai, they will be there to kiss it clean. Low life competing with maggots!!

3. Wikipedia: usually the brainy dude who likes to tunjuk terror. They will be the first to let you know of their accomplishment and academic credentials. You will recognised them as they dress well, slick look and bloody lan-si...lagi lan-si if they got paper from one of the ivy league university. Faggots.

4. Backstabber: just like the butt kisser, but this fella thrives on magnifying your mistakes exponentially. Real CBK....KNN to you.

5. Kutu: major inferior complex, stick to you b'coz you made a mistake of showing them pity...you have to hit them on the head hard to pry them off you leg.

6. "Lau-Sai" Mouth: no secret is safe with this one, the whole bloody world would know. If this fella knows you got home made movies of youself in your phone, you are finished... totally finished...your movies would be on you-tube by lunch time. Confidential, secret, sshhh are keywords that would trigger this fella into a verbal "lau sai"...so when having a conversation with this dude refrain from using such keywords, better still keep to your own council.

7.Shadow: this is a spooky character, stands behind you and watch you work, cruising porn, writing gossip email or msn/skype without you even noticing. You will only know someone is there when this dude open the mouth "ah I want that email, forward to me now". Bloody invader of privacy, careful when you go toilet to pangsai, double check the cubicle make sure nobody around before transacting.

8. Buaya: a guy category, never got a date in his life and paid to get laid. He will hound anyone with boobs. You will hear a soft tune from the movie "Jaws" when he approaches, so ladies run like hell if you hear that tune. You will notice he drools as he talks to you and his eyes are staring at your boobs, you will wonder if he is talking to you or your boobs.

9. Cocker: another guy category, practices very poor hygiene...after pang-jio (peepee) dun wash hand one. Horror, I seen a few of this creatures in my previous previous office...they take the form of office boy to big boss. You will recognise them after a handshake...you hand stinks like cock. They are the ones that tell you banana leaf rice taste like cock...well eat with fork and spoon lah... and it will taste like heaven.

10. 10 cent Face: a lady category, with a 10 cent face I think I do not need to explain about how she looks. You will notice her clothes (including tai-fu and bra), nail polish, shoes and make-up all match perfectly... all same colour one. Spends a lot of time matching herself up with a mission to look "cun". If she wears red, just put a fuse on her head and she would look like a life size firecracker. Stop wasting time lah..10 cents will always be 10 cents, has anyone ever seen 10 cents appreciating to become 20 cents?

Off to lunch now, Capt says Au Revoir.

Flower Bath

2009-02-24T11:32:00.007+08:00

Woke up early this morning, hoping to punch in early at work today (have been trying to achieve this all this while but alas to no avail....but I shall persevere, I'll not give up). Drove outta from my home...met with my first obstacle...traffic light...murid sekolah crossing the jalan. Cleared obstacle in 5 minutes...phew...doing good time.

Arrived at the highway of stress, ....JAM....JAM!? Rite in front of my housing taman....apa jadi? Switch mode to snail pace...crawling...crawling (my PC at home moves faster than this)...found the culprit...2 to be precise...2 cars parked at the side of the road at different locations of the lebuhraya. 1 was the result of an accident, the other ...sigh no minyak (hey lady why do you have to wait until your car mati before you go pump minyak, along LDP the nearest petrol station is at IOI and you are at TESCO....walk lah you, exercise a bit you look fat anyway @#*^)

Horror running late oredi, arrived at the Sunway toll...what a sight...ocean of cars. Bugger!! those of you paying cash will you get the @#*^ off the touch & jalan lane....arrghh C*** B** ...malaysian mentality...the moment you signal the more they will prevent you from switching lanes. Cars were packed so dense with one another that I could wind down my window and write my name on the dust covered car next to me...stressful stressful. Turn on the radio to soothe my nerves...Spurs kicked the shit outta Hull City 2-1...woooohoooo....things are starting to look better now.

Got outta jam and was thinking about spurs victory took the wrong turn ended up in kelana jaya instead of highway perseketuan.....spoke to soon about things starting to look better huh. Managed to manouver and got to highway perseketuan....jam pulak...WTF? Crawl crawl to the office....double F*** .... forgot to bring my tag, cannot masuk office. Feeling like a dodo, went to the security smiling....encik lupa bawak tag....mintak IC...tima kasih. Got my tag, masuk office 45 minutes late. Is this a sign of a bad day begining? When shit happens it happens all at once... speaking from experience lah. Maybe I should mandi bunga lah....what bunga to use ah?

To save time tomolo, I'll pangsai and eat breakfast at the office...that should give me a good headstart of 15 minutes.

Till I mandi bunga, Capt says Au Revoir.

Khaakk Ptooiii

2009-02-24T10:23:00.002+08:00

I was driving home last evening tailing the dude in a "matrix" along jalan old klang. Traffic light turns green and I was inching my way home and suddenly this "matrix" dude went "khaaakk ptooiii" outta his side window. To my disgust, this "CBK" didn't even give a rats ass whether there was a car beside him.

I still could remember quite cleary that oyster looking snort that came outta his mouth flying in slow motion....swan lake in mid air and spalt... landing on the road, missing the on-coming car by a few inches...talk about impeccable timing man. If he had been a little faster, this dude would be scraping "CBK's" DNA sample from his car when he gets home.....eeeewww gross puke puke.

In this time and age I would expect us to be more civilised and educated, but why do we have "CBK's" going around "khaakk ptooiii"? WTF dude, can't you wait till you get home or at least spit on a piece of tissue?? Is this your way in venting out some of your suppressed pubescent anger?? Sad to say, there are a lots of "CBKs" like this dude out there....you all disgust me!! Stop leaving your DNA samples on the road, I don't want my tyres running over them....middle finger to all you "CBKs".

Set sails, we're outta here. Capt says Au Revoir.

Things I learned over the years

2009-02-23T10:32:00.000+08:00

I've learned that you cannot make someone love you.
All you can do is to stalk them and hope they panic and give in.

I've learned that no matter how much I care, some people are
just assholes.

I've learned that it takes years to build up trust, and it only takes
suspicion, not proof to destroy it.

I've learned that you can get by on charm for about 15 minutes.
After that, you better have a big willy or huge boobs.

I've learned that you shouldn't compare ourself to others,
they are more screwed up than you think.

I've learned that you can keep vomitting long after you
think you are finished.

I've learned that we are responsible for what we do,
unless we are celebrities.

I've learned that regardless of how hot and steamy a realtionship is at first,
the passion fades, and there had better be a lot of money to take it's place.

I've learned that 99% of the time when something doesn't work at your home,
one of your kids did it.

I've learned that the people you care most about in life are taken away from you too soon,
and all the less important ones just never go away.

Till another cookie thought pops in, Capt says Au Revoir.

Hypertension

2009-02-20T11:23:00.000+08:00

The Star 20 Feb 09:

Disturbing facts from the paper:

- As high as 43% of Malaysians aged 30 years and above are prone to getting hypertension
- It is now estimated that there are 4.8 million individuals with hypertension in Malaysia
- It is also alarming to note that two-thirds of Malaysians with hypertension were unaware they had the disease

What is happening to us all?? Hypertension at 30.....horror, un-thinkerble....is it our lifestyle that is to be blamed? Are we so kiasu climbing the food-chain that we forget our health? Are we so busy making a living that we forget to live?

Imagine driving to work one day not knowing you have hypertension...suddenly your body give up...your mentol went kapoot....crashed your car and die.....causing traffic jam all the way to JB....sad & scary ain't it. Take care of your health people, you only live once.

I suggest 3 things:
- eat lotz and lotz of vege (shut-up and listen to your mom for once)
- play sports/exercise (register to be a hamster at fitness first or watever fitness.....running on treadmills muh...look like hamster rite)
- saving the best for last, my favourite....have lotz & lots of sex (boss today MC ok, semalam marathon lah)

Till I come to port again, Capt says Au Revoir.

Cancer warning for Talcum Powder

2009-02-20T09:50:00.000+08:00

The Star 17 Feb 09:

"Magnesium silicate hydroxide, also commonly known as talc, is the main ingredient in baby, medicated and designer perfumed body powder. CAP president S.M. Mohamed Idris said the latest findings from the United States suggested that women who used talcum powder were 40% more likely to suffer from ovarian cancer."

Wow, what a revelation and scary stuff this is. Hmmm, how is it that women who uses talcum powder is 40% more likely to suffer ovarian cancer I asked....here is what the Star wrote:

“Researchers have found talc particles in ovarian tumour and they have also discovered that women with ovarian cancer used talcum powder on their genitals more frequently than healthy women”.

Another revelation, I know women used talcum powder on their body.... but on the genitals?? This is the first for me. Ok call me ignorant .....whatever. I'm just curious to know...WHY?? I can't compute this...help!!! Gatal is it? Isn't there medication over the counter or something? Imagine ...... powder white around the pubic area and a wet spot ..... Hilarious....LOL.

CAP goes on to say, “Consumers should revert to using the traditional ‘bedak sejuk,’ which is made of rice flour or powder made from corn flour”.

I know CAP meant well, but "bedak sejuk" this takes the cake...ha ha ha. Bedak sejuk comes in small pellets and u need to mix with a little water for it to be a paste. It is applied on the face by makcik makcik aunty auntie to keep cool....as I understand it lah. Now imagine pasting bedak sejuk all the way down "south", rambut "pubika" pun jadi putih lor and when the it dries it will form a crust...which would flake and fall off when you use the toilet.....with the tell tale sign on the floor it doesn't take CSI to figure out the last person using this cubicle pakai bedak sejuk. This curious mind of mine just went hyper, didn't take my medication this morning I suppose.

Anyone reading this who can shed some light on the area where the sun don't shine,...please satisfy my curiosity.

Till next time, Capt Jack Pipit says Au Revoir.